Delayed

A few nights ago we had a health and fitness session during our young adults fellowship. One of the things I took away from that meeting was a quote that our guest speaker uttered:

"Trust the process."

The fitness coach used this statement in the context of allowing ample time for your body to show some progress in response to the efforts you put into it in terms of exercise, and what you keep out of it in terms of diet.

But I want to use that statement to sound off about something that definitely needs the benefit of stages, seasons and phases: RELATIONSHIPS. When looking to get into one, we must trust the process.

Many singers and songwriters have given stern warning about falling headlong into relationships. Elvis Presley, in his song "Can't Help Falling in Love", says "only fools rush in"; The Supremes sum it up in the title of their 1966 hit "You Can't Hurry Love";  and, appropriately, the paternal side of the Cat Stevens ballad "Father and Son" gives caution to the younger to "take your time, think a lot." All these and other songs impart the wisdom of taking things slow when it comes to relationship. We should take a listen and hear what they are saying.

We can (and should) also take a cue from nature. A seed that falls to the ground doesn't germinate, take root, produce leaves, grow to a tall tree, and bear fruit all in one day. No, it doesn't. There is a process and that process takes days, months, years. The one planting the seed has to trust the process and let nature take its course in nurturing, developing, maturing, strengthening and beautifying the plant from seed to tree. It must not be forced to grow. It should not be manipulated to maturity. It must not be rushed.

I believe -- strongly -- that the same goes for a relationship between a man and a woman. There is a process that must take its course in order for love -- true love -- to blossom and flourish. And we must trust that process.

The Seed

Attraction is a powerful thing. But it may not necessarily be a strong indicator of a possible good future relationship. It is, nevertheless, for me, a prerequisite to a pursuit of something more. It is certainly something I would plant in the ground and wait to see if something grows further.

The Seedling

In the last decade or so of my life, I have learned to give more value to the unseen aspects of people over the visible ones. A good, solid friendship has become a major tick box on my list of "qualifications" because the most beautiful and more lasting qualities of a person are internal. And I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone I can't have clever conversations with.

Growth

As already implied by this writing thus far, time and its passing are essential for a beautiful relationship to proliferate organically. There's just no other way around it. For me, at least. I've come this far in life to know that a half-baked, premature or ill-timed "anything" will just leave more for the wanting. I want to be able savor the full flavor of a fully-developed and time-tested relationship when the right season for it comes and not before.

Delayed

Good things come to those who wait. It's just one of things I live by. Even more so when it comes to making decisions with long-term consequences. I have had my share of foolhardy forays into the romantic realm... and I have paid for every repercussion that came after them. These have taught me the importance of delayed gratification. This time, I want to let life -- and love -- take its natural course. 

The process of finding the right person to be in a relationship with takes time. A lot of it. But that process, involving a lot of waiting and anticipating, is vital for growth and development -- physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. If we plant the right seeds and take time to wait for it to grow, we will get the right fruit.

Many of us might want to bypass the process in favor of overnight romances but we really shouldn't... for our own sake. Life's too short to spend it in an unsatisfying relationship.

- - - - -

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term, is the indispensable prerequisite to success." -- Brian Tracy