Oscillating

I have been really out of it for quite a while: writing! Another slump I guess. There seems to be no inspiration these days. Even when I sit in front of my computer and try to concoct something, nothing is expressed. Some great ideas do flutter by but I seem to have a hard time getting them to coalesce.

However, I do have a thought I'd like to freely pour out here: waiting for something that you know is going to happen is really a challenge. Especially if it's something that you have been eagerly anticipating for years; something that you have been longing to embrace as a fresh start or a new leaf or another chapter; something that has been promised to you that will come to pass.

Add to that the helpless feeling of being uncertain about timings and movement. I mean, sometimes I get the sense that things are accelerating toward fulfillment and completion. Other times I get the sense that things have come to a screeching halt or a complete stop (which is basically the same thing). It's utterly discombobulating (there! I've finally used that word!)

And then on top of that the unnecessary involvement of some people who (seem to) frown upon your moments or seasons of uncertainty and expect you to know everything. Right! Like they've got peering into the future down pat! As if having a hard time making sense of where your life is headed isn't perplexing enough.

I just strongly dislike this back-and-forth feeling; the seemingly-getting-nowhere of it all. It's like spinning around in circles...

...and it's making me nauseous and vertiginous.