The Rudy Project

Fathers have been endued by God with a powerful impact on the life of their children, whether they realize it, admit it, own up to it or not. This is especially true during the formative years of children (I would say from conception to ten) when most everything kids experience early on in life is presented to them by -- and filtered through the involvement of -- their fathers.

When a father abdicates his parental role, the chances of a young person finding a wayward path in life is exponentially increased, since the main guiding force in their life becomes physically or emotionally absent. However, when fathers take up their paternal mantle of loving, mentoring, validating, and directing their sons and daughters, the chances of children finding their purpose in life, learning to spread their proverbial wings, and soaring high despite the adversities of life is dramatically amplified.

Even with pronounced flaws and inherent human weaknesses, a man who musters enough courage and gathers enough resolve to fill the shoes of fatherhood can still and will make an enormous influence on a child's life.

My father passed away over eight years ago due to what doctors told us was the worst of all types of malignant, abnormal growth of cells in the human body: bone cancer. Prior to his passing, he was bed-ridden for a good three months. I had the privilege and the opportunity of serving him during his last 90 days as his night nurse -- my mother took the daytime shift of taking care of my ailing father's needs.

During those three months of watching my father deteriorate physically and mentally, I was fortunate enough -- blessed by God -- to have some of the most meaningful conversations I've had with him in my entire life. I remember this one particular night when we were discussing ministry and spiritual life. He shared with me some of his thoughts about my then-volunteer-work at church, his regrets over things he was not able to do for God, and I think, in part, certain styles of spiritual leaders. It might have seemed like a late entry into our relationship as father-and-son, but nights filled with conversations like these gave me a deeper look into and a more profound appreciation of my father's life and legacy.

Since his passing in June of 2010, I've every now and again taken time to think about the lessons he's taught me and demonstrated to me throughout the thirty-five years that he's fathered me.

Facial Wash
One of the best advice that Papa has spoken over me, which I still follow to this day and am now reaping the benefits of, was to always wash my face with at least soap and water before going to bed at night. Having worked for a cosmetics and skin care company for a considerable amount in his employment life, my father learned a thing or two about taking care of one's hygiene. This practical advice has kept me from ever falling victim to acne and other facial skin problems. I've had the occasional pimple, yes -- what teenager doesn't -- but overall, I've had a good face to show forth because my father told me to cleanse my face before bedtime. Plus, it didn't hurt that, at the time, we would get lots of cosmetics and skin care samples from the company he worked for; so we were stocked, so to speak.

Be Yourself
There were many things in my life that my father validated in me by not so much his words, but mostly by his actions. I was quite an introverted kid growing up and spent many times keeping to myself. I didn't have as many friends as my brother did -- he was the more outgoing one -- nor did I have his abilities, skill sets or inclinations, but my father (and, of course, my mother as well) affirmed my uniqueness by giving me things that catered to my proclivities. I remember him buying me coloring books, and coloring pens and pencils when he saw I had a liking in that area. He also bought me cassette tapes and CDs to support my musical tendencies. He gave me room -- literally -- to be my introverted self when I just wanted to hangout by myself, alone in my bedroom. These were some of the things my father did to encourage me to be myself in a phase of life where conformity to the norm was the norm.

For the Right Reason
The most resonant and the most cherished piece of advice my old man gave me when I was in high school was to "marry for love". He said this to me and my brother on the way to school as he was driving us there. The three of us had a discussion about love, relationships and marriage partners, and for some reason I asked my father a question: "What if I marry a Muslim woman?" My father, sensing that this was a teaching opportunity (I think), turned to my brother and me, and said something along the lines of "Who you're going to marry is not as crucial as why you're going to marry? You must marry someone for love, because when you love someone, you are going to stay with them and you are going to stand by them... no matter what." I was fixated on those words the moment they left his heart and were released through his mouth, to the second they entered my ears and nestled in my heart. Of all the lessons my father taught me, this is the one that I've lived and breathed by all these years; regardless of the numerous women that pass by me, or the countless possible easy relationships I could have indulged in or taken advantage of. Love was to be the impetus. Love was to be the motive. Love was to be the reason.

. . .

Eight years have passed since I released my father, Rudolph, back into the arms of the Heavenly Father. Those eight years have afforded me moments and seasons of recalling, pondering upon, and appreciating my father's words of wisdom, which he garnered over years of mistakes, heartaches, successes, failures, enlightenment, and redemption. Having grown up under his mantle and his lived-out role of "father", witnessing the positives and the negatives, the good and the bad, the beauty and the beast of it all, I have come to realize that I have truly become my father's son... a Rudy project, if you will.

. . .

And because of that my performance has been elevated.