Clocks and Calendars
I'm still really astounded how some "believers" do not see nor understand the value of patiently waiting for the fulfillment of God's sovereign plan in and for the affairs of human beings.
In the course of the last month and a half, I have repeatedly shared with different circles of my family and friends the story of how God orchestrated the events of my life that led me to the point of asking one of my best friends to become my girlfriend.
In each telling of the narrative, I have emphasized the fact that we were first and foremost really good friends for about 16 years, and that the last three of those years were seasons of watching over our friendship, evaluating my attraction to her, contemplating a possible relationship with her, and praying to God for guidance through my emotions and in my decisions.
Time and patience were always key elements in the story I was telling; that regardless of my chronological age and the level of my spiritual maturity, God still had the final say regarding the "when's" and the "how's" in my life. I highlighted the point that my age (I'm 43), my civil status ('single' for 11 years), my eligibility (for marital relationship), and the existing Philippine cultural pressure ("get hitched or get ditched") were not prime motivators in my desire to get into a romantic relationship. I wasn't even looking for a girlfriend. I was keeping an eye out for a suitable lifetime partner.
Many times in the nearly 60 days of relating my "love story" to the people who were important to me, I was met with congratulatory greetings, well wishes, excited smiles, and joyful anticipation of how this newfound relationship with my best friend would progress. The most encouraging and touching of these responders were the ones who said they truly saw the hand of God organizing and putting in order the details -- including the tiniest ones -- of my life and my girlfriend's life leading up to us becoming a couple.
However, there are a few, select individuals who, though probably well-meaning, put a dampener on what is for me the most important and most meaningful thing that has happened in my life in recent years. What they said, though, was really more indicative of the content of their hearts, and revelatory of the level of their comprehension of biblical truths. That much I know. But it still doesn't negate the fact the I felt like what I shared to them wholeheartedly... they dumbed down significantly.
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"Oh, what took you so long to make a move? We noticed sparks between the two of you years ago!"
Years ago, my girlfriend and I were two very different people. Separately, we had issues that needed to be dealt with -- insecurity, timidity, pride, lust, fear, and the pursuit of goals God didn't want us pursuing. In the Lord's unhindered sight, He saw that we were nowhere near the level of maturity we would both need to be able to love our own selves independent of another person, and to love the other person despite the remaining weaknesses and flaws. God allowed us to be broken, to learn, and to grow as a son and a daughter in the Kingdom before releasing us to be a couple. And that took years.
"You probably couldn't tell that there was an attraction; maybe that's why it took you so long to ask her to be your girlfriend."
There wasn't an attraction for the most part of the 16 years we were friends. And even when I started to get attracted to her, I knew I had to sit on my emotions and prayerfully weigh things because I had been teaching the young adults in our church that "just because there is an attraction, it does not mean you have to pursue a relationship immediately". I wanted to practice what I preached. After all, it has been said and proven many times over that while emotions can be very good servants, they can also become very hard taskmasters. I have experienced this firsthand... in a very unsavory way, I might add. So, no; I didn't let the attraction lead me. I waited. I allowed the Spirit of God to take the wheel... with my feelings on the passenger seat. My attraction to my best friend was a motivator, yes; but only under the influence of the Holy Spirit.
"When is the wedding day?"
Really? I'm barely two months into a dating relationship and that's the question you ask? My girlfriend and I haven't even finished fully processing the highs and the excitement of this stage of our lives! Could you at least let us enjoy the natural progression of our relationship? Could you come up with questions far better than the run-of-the-mill ones that almost everybody asks? Could you? Could you?
"You shouldn't wait any longer to get married. You're not getting any younger."
So, after we have waited in faith all these years to find a suitable, potential marriage partner, we should just rush to the wedding altar just because we're in our 40's? Hasn't everybody known by now that biological maturity is not always equal to emotional and/or spiritual maturity? Age should not be the sole deciding factor in making a lifetime commitment to live for and love another person. And, if you're bringing the question of biological viability of producing offspring to the table, my argument will always be: "who's gonna prevent God from giving us healthy children at any age? Why are we putting a cap on God's capacity to supersede the laws of biology and physiology? Aren't we saying and singing, 'You're the God of miracles?'"
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These are but some of the faithless comments spoken from unbiblical mindsets without the benefit of a second thought. They have actually reinforced my belief that I should really be more selective of who I share important details of my life with. But then again, there are just some people who sound off, volunteer unsolicited advice, and voice their opinion even when they're not asked or aren't that significant to your life in first place.
I wish people would process their opinions first before releasing them from their mouths, and assess if they are actually enriching another person's life. I wish they would understand that, in God's sovereign wisdom and judgment, there are different times and seasons in life, and that these times and seasons vary from person to person. I wish they'd realize that we aren't all of us living by the same human clock and calendar, but that each of us are governed by God's intricately specific timeline made particularly for each unique individual. We would all do well to adhere to that and not impose our own intentions on others or manipulate circumstances to fit to our own finite conceptions (or misconceptions) of the times and seasons in our lives.
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I rest my case.
What a great read! You do have a way of articulating things in such a manner that’s direct to the point and edifying. You don’t waste words, do you? 😉
ReplyDelete⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
: "I've wasted enough words. I don't want to waste any more." 🤣
ReplyDeleteThank you. 😂